Thursday, December 30, 2010

Kimbo Slice's Motion Lotion!

So, recently I was asked to give a writing sample to a coworker of my girlfriend. It's always a bit of a problem when people ask for writing samples, because I'm presented with the option of either showing them something old that doesn't necessarily reflect my current writing prowess (or lack thereof) or showing them something new and in development, something that's under wraps.

This time I opted just to write something brand new. What I'm posting here is the writing sample, because I think it's funny. You need to know two things before reading it.

The first is that lotion is a skin care product.

The second is that Kimbo Slice is a 15 minutes-of-fame street fighter turned UFC pro. Or something.

Here's the guy:

I'm thinking of doing more celebrity endorsement commercials as a writing warm-up. Let me know what you think.

Issue #1

PAGE ONE: (four panels)

Panel 1. Kimbo Slice talks to the camera. He’s probably in a typical gym commercial setting with an American Flag in the background.

Hello, America! My name is Kimbo Slice.

Panel 2. A back alley. Kimbo Slice is beating up a homeless guy, really throwing a devastating punch.

“If you’re anything like me, after a long day of bustin’ up homeless fools…”

Panel 3. The homeless guy lays unconscious in the filthy alley while Kimbo rubs his knuckles tenderly.

“…your knuckles can get cracked and dry.”

Panel 4. Back to the commercial gym setting. Kimbo is holding up a tube of Motion Lotion to the camera. That’s the product we’re selling.

That’s why I use Motion Lotion!

It’s the lotion you use for when you’re in motion!

PAGE TWO: (five panels)

Panel 1. Tight shot, Kimbo squeezes the tube, squirting lotion onto one of his hands.

Just squeeze…

Panel 2. Tight shot, Kimbo’s hands rub together, massaging the lotion into his skin.


Panel 3. Back alley. Kimbo kicks the homeless guy while he’s down.

“…and then get back to whatever the hell it is you do all day.”

Panel 4. Back in the gym, Kimbo is holding up the lotion to the camera again, making a desperate attempt to sell the product.

Remember, Motion Lotion!

Panel 5. Gym setting, but it’s obvious some time has passed. It’s darker, and Kimbo is sitting on a workout bench, exhausted and sad.

Because it hurts to be irrelevant.

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